Got a toothbrush?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
