is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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