just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
