Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
