I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
