And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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