you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize