I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ttyl tear gas
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
