His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize