Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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