Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
