i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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