Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
