Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
