Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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