god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
