woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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