In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need moral support for this bender
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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