Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
