please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My vagina is officially offended.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
