I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
