hell yes lets make some ravioli
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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