I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
