I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize