I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My life is pants optional.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
