That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
