i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
