You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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