This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He felt like a one man threesome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
