Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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