it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
