Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
