Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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