Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've blown a few things in my day
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mom said you looked used
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
