I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
