Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
