Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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