I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
