I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
