1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
