Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
