It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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