You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
