: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
