how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need a beard to bite.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize