he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
