he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
