It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
