Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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