you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize