dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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