There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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