I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
