I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize