using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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