look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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