What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
