Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
